the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
