still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
