just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
