at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
