dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
