is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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