And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
