Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize