I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize