i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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