So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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