yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
