i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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