I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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