Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
