I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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