you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I currently don't understand fingers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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