i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
