Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
