you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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