Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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