were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
