I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
