I smell stomach acid.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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