I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
