Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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