I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
