Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize