Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
