This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize