i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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