I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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