I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
