i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
