Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
