We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
