Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
