i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
