I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize