oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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