3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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