Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
