I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
