I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize