It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I enjoy the company of your penis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize