You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
