Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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