It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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