Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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