i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize