I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
