I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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