Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i believe in u and ur pee
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