youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just invented taco cereal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
