So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize