is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
