woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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