he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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