There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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