Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
