dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
