i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
