I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
