A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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