I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
