Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
