Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
