my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
