"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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