Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We are two peas in an std pod
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
