did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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