i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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