the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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