Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
