btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
