how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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