Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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