Pappa wants mamma naked
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
