Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
