I can text with my tongue
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
