I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
