Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
