Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
