I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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