does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
