I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
