If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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