my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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