I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you win again, gameday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
