the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
