420 ftw
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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