So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
