I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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