Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So squirting runs in the family.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
