OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
