I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
