Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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