The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
