Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
