He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
