So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize