I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
