Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.

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(231): View more from Michigan

We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it

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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?

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(763): View more from Minnesota

she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."

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(760): View more from California

dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself

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(908): View more from New Jersey

she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak

(908): View more from New Jersey

said the guy with a pink sex swing...

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.

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