fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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